Last night I went to bed knowing that I was entering a black mood. I was tired, i was teasy and I just wanted to be left alone. Obviously, both sons who live at home decided that last night would also be a good time to have a conversation from either side of the lounge while I was watching the one programme of the day that I really like….apologies now….I am a Big Brother addict and we are currently in the Celebrity Big Brother season and last night was a live eviction.
‘One hour, all I want is one hour and one programme,’ I was heard to say.
Part of me is then left feeling guilty at putting a tv programme before my kids – even if they are now grown – and the other part says, ‘hey! I deserve to watch what I like. I pay all the bills and I work hard. They can discuss wrestling in another room or wait until this is over if they really need my input into it’, which they don’t by the way…I know nothing about the wrestling world and they know that. But my guilt complex always ends up winning and I resent my greedy self for not putting others first. So I smile, and say goodnight, and wander up the stairs to the isolation of my room and curl in my bed and feel bad.
This morning I awoke not feeling much different, just as tired as when I went to sleep, still feeling bad but with a day of work ahead of me. Perhaps knowing that I also had a dentist appointment to attend today didn’t help very much but it was only a check up, not half as scary as the root canal I had to have a few months ago.
Luckily, I love my job. The Guys I work with are fantastic and generally succeed in brightening my day. I am also very good at compartmentalising and turning off the sad stuff when I walk in that door, usually, by the time I walk out again, I find that the baggage I dropped there is nowhere to be found. I realise that this is quite unique, not many people can say they enjoy their job so much. For me, it has been one of my major saviours.
So, I left work and went to the Dentist, all is good, no treatment needed _score! – I had bumped into my dentist at a Paloma Faith Concert earlier in the year and we had a conversation about that, ‘yes, she was good,’ I said, ‘as was Elton John’ who had performed at the same venue a week earlier and I had also seen. I did manage a trio of concerts there this summer though and I also said that Spandau Ballet won the prize for being the best though, they were absolutely amazing,
‘and Tony Hadley…..he is just….ooohh…like velvet…’ I said as i walked out the door. She laughed, the assistant laughed, I laughed…a random comment, a random memory…..and spontaneous shared humour gave us all a reason to smile.
I also found out on arriving home that my youngest son has had some absolutely brilliant news today that I can’t share at this moment, but I will be able to shortly. A tiny bit of news that arrived over the telephone…but it has left me grinning and dancing around the house like a lunatic.
Yep, Today is definitely a good day. x